One Year Ago…

Well one year ago today we were driving Mike to Kelowna to the Treatment Center. Wow! One year.. So much has happened in a year. I was thinking back on this last year, and how God has led us as a family.

We are now living in a different house than last year, praise God! Brianna is doing well in High School, we have another cat, and a different car. I am learning to love budgeting..now that is a miracle!! I have learned to shop smarter to make my dollars go further, and not just buy something because I want it. I have had a job for close to a year now, praise God!

So what about Mike?? He continues to struggle with drinking from time to time, but doesn’t deny it as much anymore. He continues to struggle with his anxiety, and needs to be on medication to keep an even keel. I don’t know if he will ever be able to live without it.  His memory skills are very poor some times and I find it hard to be patient with that. I wish he had been diagnosed earlier in his life, and I wish he had received counseling. I am still praying that God would get hold of his heart and that he would be totally committed to God. I am also praying that the pain from his past would be healed as only Jesus can.

I am pleased that Mike seems to be more aware of his limitations when it comes to stress, and knows there are some things he can’t do anymore. He is also trying to listen when friends give him good advice, and doesn’t always shut people out of his life anymore.

So there are positive changes, and areas where there needs to be further changes. As much as I would like to see things change overnight, I have come to learn over this past year that all I can do is pray and go to God for my wisdom and strength.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers for God’s guidance and wisdom and grace.

A Happy New Year…2011

A Happy New Year to you all! I hope you had a lovely and peace filled Christmas, and that this new year will be one of hope, and joy.

We had a quiet Christmas this year. We went to our church Christmas Eve service , and then came home and had frozen pizza and watched a Christmas Carol with Alistair Sim. The next morning we opened our presents, and then went to visit some friends for dinner later in the day. Nothing too spectacular, but nice none the less.

Between Christmas and New Years we got more snow again. So pretty and peaceful looking..unfortunately for me the snow blower broke so Mike and I have been outside a lot lately keeping our driveway and walkways clear. One particular snowfall was very wet and heavy, and by the time I got home in the evening it was awful to shovel. Needless to say my back did not like it.

I thought I was doing okay for a few days, but this week at work I had to empty some really heavy water pails and fill up the water cooler. Ouch!

Yesterday Brianna and I spent the afternoon getting the firewood ready for our big bonfire. We shoveled out around the fire pit, hauled the wood to it. Got the kindling all ready, and scrunched all the newspaper. We were set. Ahh, it would be so easy to light it and then we could roast marshmallows. Mmmhmm..yeah..easy…ha ha ha!!

A slight miscalculation on my part. There was still a bit of snow sticking to the inside of the metal fire pit, and when you burn things the snow turns to water…Oops!! It took almost 45 minutes and many bundles of newspaper to melt all the snow, let it drain out the bottom, and get the fire started for real without the aid of newspaper. Did I mention it was about -12 outside this particular night? Now that might seem like not too bad weather, but you got to understand something about me. I hate cold, and I hate winter.

I would never intentionally venture outside for more than 10 minutes at a time in this weather..My Dad would probably laugh if he heard this story cause he remembers what a disaster it was when I tried to go skiing when I was younger. I hated downhill because I was always freezing and always falling down. Cross-country on the other hand was a good thing because I would work up a sweat and didn’t get cold.  The cold tended to make me a quitter because once I got too cold I couldn’t stand the pain.

Did I also mention that every-time I bent over to tend to the fire I thought I would never get back up again because of the pain in my back?

Okay, so now you know how much I hate getting cold, and how much pain I was in. Last night there were many times I wanted to give up on that fire I had started so many times. It looked as if it would never start. What was the use? I would have…but…

I promised my daughter we were going to have a big bonfire and roast marshmallows to ring in the New Year. I was determined to make some happy memories with her, and try something new that we had never done before.

The hard work paid off, as all of a sudden a little spark ignited on the wood. We could finally warm up and get to the marshmallow roasting.

Okay, I couldn’t share this story without sharing something that occurred to me as I was reflecting on it today.

Sometimes as Christians we get weary because we just don’t see changes  in the lives of other Christians as quickly as we would like, or we don’t see our lives impacting the non-Christians that we know. We live in a society that wants instant gratification and results now. God doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes God is working behind the scenes in people’s lives slowly, and changing them a little at a time. We need to never give up on our friends or family just because we don’t see results. All it takes is the Holy Spirit to ignite a  spark that sets them on fire!

New Living Translation (©2007)
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

All I Want For Christmas…

Around this time of year, people start sharing what they would like for Christmas. It always amazes me when I hear them talking about everything they would like to get, and how they would be so disappointed if they didn’t receive it.

This year I have done some soul searching as to my wants at Christmas. As I wander the little shops down Baker Street peering into the pretty windows, I catch myself thinking about how lovely it would be to have this sparkly bauble or that gorgeous hat.

It’s so tempting  isn’t it to want so many things that we probably don’t need, or can’t afford. I can’t even remember most of the present’s I have been given over the years. What I do remember is the memories..

The older I get the more I realize that things are not what makes the holidays special. It the time we spend with people that give us that warm feeling. More importantly it is our relationship with God that can  make Christmas the most deep and meaningful time of year.

I am sitting in front of the tree right now gazing up at those beautiful lights, and thinking about what my Christmas wish is for this year.

I am wishing not for baubles, clothes, electronic gadgets, or even the finest food. For me this year I have but one wish…for my daughter to come to the realization that God is real, and that He died for her, and that without Him she has nothing. There is nothing the world can offer that compares to the love of Jesus…so as you go about your days leading up to Christmas remember this…God loves you, and made a way for you to be reconciled with Him even though we are all sinners. What more could we ask for??

Further Lessons In Joy..

I am still contemplating what it looks like to be filled with joy this season. Here are some further lessons from Brenda over at Coffee Tea Books and Me.

 

http://coffeeteabooksandme.blogspot.com/2010/12/cold-and-snow-and-sadness-at-season.html

Just cut and paste into your browser to link to her post.

The Christmas Spirit..

Christmas is almost here, and I am so excited. I guess you could say I am in the Christmas Spirit. Have you ever wondered what that really means?

Maybe as a child you felt like you were in the Christmas Spirit when you started hearing the Carols being sung, or the decorations going up, or even making cookies with mom.

As you grew older it might have meant spending time with family getting the tree, decorating, or even going to a special service at church. All of these things are experiences that are supposed to make us feel a certain way. You might call it full of joy, or hope, or happiness.

For many people all these activities just don’t seem to cut it. I hear from both Christian and non-christian friends that they are feeling the blues, or depressed, or just can’t seem to get into the holiday spirit.

This same thing has happened to me on many occasions, and for many years I couldn’t get past the feeling that something was wrong with me, or I was just never going to be happy. That is until I discovered what the real Christmas Spirit is all about.

Being happy, full of joy or hope does not depend on our circumstances. Things, activities, people, or experiences do not make feel that way. When I depend on these things to put me into the Christmas Spirit, I am going to fail miserably. I can’t force Holiday Joy. It only happens when a miracle happens in my heart.

Do you remember the cartoon ” The Grinch Who Stole Christmas”? I love the part when all of a sudden a miracle happens in the Grinch’s heart, and it begins to grow until it is almost bursting. That is what happens when we allow Jesus into our lives, and we accept the gift He has given us through His death on the cross. When we fully understand that He came to earth in the form of a little baby, and died for our sins, something happens to our hearts. We now understand what the Grace of God really means. It means we have been given this amazing gift of everlasting life in Heaven, even though we are miserable sinners that don’t deserve it. Wow! I don’t know about you, but when I am reminded of this it really puts things into perspective for me.

I no longer strive to create the perfect Christmas to fill that empty place in my soul. I don’t need those things to make me truly happy or joyful. I have everything I need in my heart, and can rest knowing that the Christmas Spirit ( Jesus Christ) is living in me.

I will leave you with a link to a video clip that says it all as to why I am so thankful for my God, my Savior, my Redeemer! Praying that you will discover the secret of having the Real Christmas Spirit in your heart this season, and always!

http://www.youtube.com/v/aaoGSff-IUY?fs=1&hl=en_US

A Stranger In A Strange Land…

1 Peter 2:11-12 “Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. 12Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

Today I had to do something that I could never have imagined growing up. I had to write a note excusing my daughter from participating in an activity for Social’s class that involved drawing a picture of a god or goddess of their imagination, and naming it.

I know I have probably mentioned it before, but we are living in an area that is predominantly pagan. For last years Christmas concert, the kids choir sang songs about the elements instead of Christmas Carols. It is very challenging to  love others like Jesus does, when the culture of the day tells us we need to be intolerant.

I need to remind myself that everything I do or say in front of people who are not Christians is being observed. I may be the only manifestation of Jesus they have in their lives. That is no easy thing for a Christian.

Brianna is going through a struggle in school now as she gets older. She is questioning everything we have taught her about Jesus and the Bible, because of what she is being taught in school. She says she doesn’t know if God is real because He doesn’t answer her prayers. She also says that it is so hard to live like a Christian, when everybody else lives differently. She is absolutely right! It is hard.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

When I read those verses I am reminded that I can stand up against the evil behind the ungodly belief systems of the world, but not on my own. I need to be doing it in Christ’s strength, otherwise I will fail.

 

Advent…

Today is the 2nd Sunday of Advent. I love this time of year…It brings back so many memories of Christmases past. Like the year my nieces, nephew and I got together and put on a little play for the parents, or the year everybody came up to 100 Mile House and we all went snowmobiling ( or sledding as we call it now). I remember the Christmas that I got to meet some of my birth mother’s family, and my daughter’s first Christmas.

I also remember with fondness the Christmas Eve Candlelight services we used to attend at Abbotsford Baptist. I loved all the candles and carols, and afterward we would pile into the car and go looking at all the Christmas light displays around the neighborhoods. When we got home, we ate frozen pizza and watched a “Christmas Carol” with Allistair Sim.

And of course I can’t forget the first Christmas living in Nelson, when my husband was out of work, we had no money, and how we were blessed by our local church. Those are precious memories to cherish forever.

I wish all my Christmas memories could be so wonderful. I remember the first year we moved to Vernon, and how lonely we were without our family. It was a sad Christmas for me. I also remember the first Christmas without my mother. That was not an easy one, and it still hurts to not have her around to share in the joys of the season. Mom lived for the holidays, with all her family around her. She always made the Christmas season full of joy with her cooking and baking. I remember the year she gave me the musical score for the Messiah, and I played for her as she sang parts of it.

Sometimes the holidays bring sadness instead of joy. That is part of life on this flawed earth. This year is going to be a difficult year for my husband. We just found out today where his parents have moved to. Up till today we suspected they had moved, but he had not heard from them since shortly after getting back from the treatment facility. He had no idea where they had gone.. no forwarding address..no phone number..nothing. The only way we found out is because of an e-mail sent to our daughter telling her she could come visit some Christmas in one of their new condos they just bought.

I can only imagine how that must have made Mike feel. I know if I was in his place I would be feeling pretty much abandoned at this point. He asked me again the other day to start looking into finding his birth parents.

The reason why I share this with you is because I know we have all gone through ugly things around this time of year. Sometimes it is hard to have that joy we are supposed to when we celebrate Christmas. Satan knocks us down, and tries to steal that joy from us. We all have a choice whether to give in to that ugly voice inside our head that tells us it is just too much to bear, and that we may as well be depressed.

Rom 15:13 Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy—to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” Jude 1:24-25
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

Now when I think of what Advent really means, that reminder of the coming of the Messiah to earth as a little baby, and his return to earth one day as the reigning Lord Almighty, I can’t help but be filled with joy! As a Christian I am faced with many trials and struggles, but I have so much to be thankful for. I also have the hope that is found only in Jesus Christ!                                                   I have added a link to a beautiful version of ” O Come, O Come Emmanuel” that sums up the hope we have in our Messiah!  I trust it blesses your heart and reminds you of what we are really celebrating this Christmas Season.

http://www.youtube.com/v/bPfdD3pBUig?fs=1&hl=en_US

The Journey Home..

Well I finally have a moment to sit down and share about my trip to the coast.

My journey started on the Saturday night waiting in the Greyhound depo in Castlegar. My husband dropped me off around 7 pm, and then left to go home. Because the bus was supposed to be arriving soon I took my Gravol pill. Ooops! The bus was running late by about 1/2hr, so by the time it arrived I was feeling a little dozy. I called my Dad and warned him that the bus was running late, because he was going to be picking me up at around 3 am.

We finally got going, and I settled in for what was supposed to be a nice relaxing evening listening to podcasts and tunes, and maybe catching some sleep. Hah! Wishful thinking I guess, because try as I might I could not get comfortable, and the ride was far too bumpy for me to sleep. Did I mention the snow was falling on the mountain passes? Lots of sand and gravel on the road, and lots of braking on the driver’s part.

We arrived in Kelowna at shortly after midnight, and because we were behind schedule we only had  enough time to switch buses before we were off again. The next leg of the journey was probably the most stressful, because going on the Coquihalla at night with snow always makes me nervous. I was so thankful I was not driving.

We got into Abbotsford around 4am. So relieved that I had arrived. My brother was there to greet me and take me back to Dad’s place. Evidently Dad had set his alarm for the wrong time, so my brother just let him sleep. That was a wise choice. We got back to the house, and I collapsed into bed at about 4:45 am.

I got a knock on my door at around 6 am. It was my Dad checking to see if I was there, as he woke up an realized he had not come to pick me up. I think I went back to sleep for a bit, but then again my memory is a little fuzzy at this point. I did manage to get up for breakfast a little while later.

Now we were off to Canadian Tire to put snow tires on my new vehicle. They told us it was going to take a couple hours, so we decided to head over to the mall to grab a much needed coffee. Back we went to check on progress. Almost done. More waiting in the waiting room, watching AFL football on the TV. Finally done, so off we went to fuel up and hit Tim Horton’s before the trip to Kelowna.

The trip to Kelowna was pretty good, as it had not been snowing much in the mountains yet. I think we managed to make it to Kelowna close to 6pm. Auntie Bea had dinner ready for us, and my cousins dropped in for dessert afterward. At this point I was getting very tired, as I had about 3 hrs of sleep in the last couple days. Time for bed..ZZZZ

The next morning it was time to get rolling to get back home. I said my goodbyes after Dad and I stopped off at the Canadian Tire to check and make sure the lug nuts were tight on the new tires. This leg of the journey was a bit of a new thing for me, as I had never traveled by myself from Kelowna to Nelson, especially during winter. The roads were pretty good, except for the Paulson Summit. It was snowing like crazy and sticking so that made for slow going. Praise God I arrived home shortly before Brianna came home from school. Whew! So relieved to be home, and thanking God for a good journey even though I was exhausted.

Thanks for you prayers, as I could feel them every step of the way..

Van Update..

So we got a confirmation that our Transmission is gone in the van and will need replacing.  Sigh… Mike has shopped around for a used one and thought he had found one, but it turned out to be in bad shape. He has another place to check tomorrow, but it’s not looking so good at finding a used one because the van is 18 yrs old, and most MPV’s have gone through two or three Tranny’s so there are very few out there. A new one is about $1600.00 so that is way out of our budget for a vehicle that is slowly dying.  We are trying to keep positive and trust God that he will provide for our needs, but that is hard when things look bleak some days.

Word to the wise..don’t be foolish like us and go without a savings plan for a rainy day. It has taken Mike and I a long time to wake up to the fact that just because God can provide for our needs doesn’t mean we can spend foolishly and waste the resources God has given us. I wish we had learned that lesson a long time ago. We are now trying to rebuild our lives after Mike’s recovery process, and finances are probably one of the hardest things to deal with. Years of poor financial decisions due to Alcoholism and bad choices do not go away instantly after the drinking stops. We are going to pay for this for a long time.

I know that God can and will do miracles, but we need to be doing our part too to use what God gives us wisely. We also need to be in prayer about how we can better use what we have. God does want to bless us, but we have to be walking with Him, and follow His plan for our lives to be blessed.

So, after my little soapbox about spending wisely…keep praying for wisdom for what we are going to do about the van.

God’s Grace..

I love that I have a God who is gracious, merciful, and all-powerful! That thought keeps me looking to Him no matter how bad things look, and I can rejoice while being in the middle of a storm because God’s peace will surround me.

This last Sunday we had a visiting speaker at our church. Her name is Grandmaster Sell, and she is the highest ranking woman in Tae Kwon Do in all the world. She and her husband are the Grandmasters of the Christian Tae Kwon Do association. She talked about Psalm 91.

God was really speaking to me through this passage of Scripture.

Psalm 91

¹ He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. ^[a]

² I will say ^[b] of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Wow! I was hearing loud and clear from God that I could rest in Him, knowing that He is my God and my Salvation. Even when things were looking very scary I could still trust that God had it under control.

You don’t know how much that means to me. I was almost at the point of walking out on Mike because of his behavior lately, and his lack of love towards me. I had prayed with my bible study about this, and realized that nothing was going to change with Mike if I continued to live with him and allow him to treat Brianna and I the way he had. I told him two weeks ago that I would not be leading worship with him this last Sunday, and that if he was not careful we would be making plans to leave.

I think at first he figured I would back out on this, but this time I didn’t. I knew deep down I was not unified with him to lead. Anyways, Sunday rolls around and I offer to do the Powerpoint. As I was sitting in the sound booth, I was praying for Mike, that God would speak to him.

After church he told us to go home, that he would get a ride with somebody else because he was invited to stay for lunch with the Grandmasters. When he came home, he started to tell me that he asked for prayer. He didn’t tell me exactly what he asked for prayer about, but it opened the door for us to have a very frank discussion about his behavior, and how he was so miserable.

He shared with me that he realized he was miserable, and was having trouble with his mood swings. He also shared that he was really scared when he had to lead without me. He actually went to pray before the service.

I sensed something had changed ever so slightly with his mind. He seemed to be different than how I had ever seen him before.

I am sharing this with you all for one purpose. Please be on your knees pleading for Mike. He needs to come to a place of total repentance, and total reliance on God. He needs to be filled with the Holy Spirit, and fully comprehend God’s Grace. Until he does he will never have peace.

Pray that I will have wisdom in the next little while, and love for him that goes beyond the love of the world. I need God’s help to not react when Mike’s moods go sideways.    Thanks again for your prayers…God bless you all.